Lonely on Campus? Trust me, it will be OK

If you ever felt lonely on campus, let me assure you, it is OK.

#Romance ♥️: Searching for M/F for hangout

#Others : Feeling Lonely on Campus

#Romance ♥️: Looking for someone to casually chat

These are an everyday sight on the NUS Confessit Telegram channel. For the uninformed, this is where NUS students post their anonymous confessions. A lot of us are lonely and single. Every day we wander around campus meeting new people, finding our newest eye candy, seeing people with their friends, and here we are wondering why we may not have any close friends.

I am Josiah, a Year 1 CnM student in my second semester. I am staying in one of the four RCs in campus, and yet I felt lonely in my very first semester here. I could not really vibe with anyone until probably the first half of Sem 2, so there were a few things which I pondered about loneliness. Let me share why it is normal to feel alone in university sometimes, and how to manage it.

It is Statistically Impossible

Your experience may probably make you think that something is wrong with you, but let me tell you, your loneliness is not uncommon. Putting things into perspective, NUS has 40000 students walking around campus. I may not be a STEM major - apart from having GEA1000 under my name - but I know that it is almost impossible that you would be the only student out of this 40000 who has this feeling. You may not see it because no one really wants to show that they are sad and lonely in public, they only show their good sides. Beneath they have their own struggles, so I can comfort you by saying that your feelings are valid and are not an anomaly.

University = Making Friends on TORTUROUS Difficulty

The way university classes are structured makes making friends much tougher than it already is. Any good and long-lasting friendship requires you to meet many requirements, such as vibing with people of similar interests and meeting them regularly. Some courses like the General Education and Common Curriculum have hundreds if not over a thousand students enrolled in some cases. Out of that pool, you are only going to meet up to 20 of them weekly or fortnightly for 2 hours.  That is not a lot of time to make strong friendships, and a low chance to meet like-minded people. Think about how your group projects went, you could have had a great time with your group, but how often was it that you had anything in common holding your group together outside the project?

Being in any local school or even NS before university has warped our perception of how easy it is to make long-lasting friends. Smaller cohort sizes meant there was a high chance you would meet the same people regularly. You got to meet your classmates every day or every other day. For those from NS, your buddies had to go through the same troubles and frustrations as you for 2 whole years on the daily, it comes as no surprise you can make good friends there. For us to be able to make friends so easily right before university has made us shocked at its culture, where your first few semesters seem relatively much tougher to make lasting friends.

It is as if the university system is testing our ability to network and communicate with other people. It makes it very hard to form a meaningful connection with someone unless we make arrangements outside our schedules to meet our classmates.

How to Handle Loneliness?

Being lonely is an inevitable part of our lives, and thus it is important to know how to manage it. Take this extra time to invest in yourself, like treat yourself to a Netflix binge, complete your assignments earlier, and exercise amongst others. There are so many things that can benefit your mental health and help you cope with school while you are alone.

This can also be a time for you to reconnect with some of your friends from a few months or a few years ago. Check up on how they are doing and tell them what has been going on in your life. Simple conversations like those can easily make you feel less isolated from society.

There may be thoughts saying that you are avoiding the problem, but it is better than doing nothing at all. These ways to ‘distract’ ourselves are methods to cope with this negative feeling. Challenge yourself to remove this negative label from your coping mechanisms, and think of them as useful tools to help you tide through the bad times.

Another piece of advice I have is to join CCAs. NUS has many CCAs with a vast range of different interests. Remember what I said earlier about having a common interest? Many CCAs are open year-round with regular sessions. You get to be together with a smaller group of people on a more frequent basis, interacting with them over a common interest or skill. This makes CCAs create a more comfortable and easier space to make friends for longer periods of time.

Loneliness Sucks, so Forgive Yourself and Love Yourself.

Don't rush, be patient!

Remember that you are not the only one feeling lonely on campus. Not only from my own experience, but also looking at the wider perspective, it is not uncommon. It is completely normal to have a lot more difficulty finding long-term friendships compared to your younger days due to how university works, but there are always other things you can do to improve your mental wellbeing while raising your chances of making friends outside class.

This is such a major phase of our lives that we want to make the most of it, but just know that making friends is not easy and it will take time before you find your next bestie. Until then, learn to take care of yourself and celebrate the small wins. Wishing you a smooth-sailing journey in university!