Growing Up Together - things only a 15-year old friendship can teach you

Prologue

How long is your longest friendship? Well, mine is not 5, not 10 but 15 years and counting! Through thick and thin, shes the one person who has been my constant. Here, I decided to dedicate my first article to one of the most important people in my life, Jie Lynn - my best friend of 15 years.

“Hello Auntie, Can I speak to Jie Lynn?”

The thing about meeting your best friend when you’re 5 is that you communicate in the most old-school ways. It started with phone calls. 15 years later, I still remember her home number. It was hard to even count, let alone memorise numbers when I was that young. I had it written down in my notebook and it took me quite awhile to finally be able to memorise it without referring. It might sound crazy but we did make a promise to have a stipulated time to call every single day: 7pm SHARP.

I don’t quite remember what the content of the conversation were about, but we did spend a good amount of time yapping away every single day, laughing over the phone.

The most memorable call was one where I went overseas for holiday with my family, and I insisted on calling despite the time zone difference. I was in Colorado, and I woke up around 4am JUST to call her. I was so paranoid that she would miss the call and get worried about me. You might think the international call fees would be crazy! But don’t worry, the call was free because we rented a phone with free 100 min call time a day. My parents were fine with it as we were all jet lagged and awake at 4am. I told her all about my day, the beautiful mountains I’ve seen and the wild bunnies hopping along the streets just like stray cats in Singapore. She was in awe!

Most times, I would have to go through the fear of her parents picking up before she does, and that for a 7 year old was stressful. I was afraid that they would think I was disturbing their daughter too often! When they pick up, I would stutter and tell them to pass the phone to Jie Lynn. At times if I’m lucky, I get to speak to her little siblings (and prank them and say that it’s their crush calling). For some reason, it always worked. They believed me and they would tell me how much they loved me, while I hear Jie Lynn laughing in the distance.

Looking back, daily phone calls may seem like a small daily routine, but they made the foundation of our friendship. It made me realise that staying connected isn’t just for a matter of convenience, but a display of our resilience and effort in our friendships: they were a promise even across time zones.

Why letters mean so much to me

I love receiving letters. Letters are one of the few things you can look back on, reminisce while physically holding that one piece of paper. Yes, we usually mail them out or drop them at each other’s doors if we get too lazy. Phone calls get forgotten, messages get deleted, but letters stay with me forever. I can literally feel what P5 Jie Lynn was thinking at that point of time.

“So let’s go to the same secondary school, JC or Poly, then go University OK? Let’s be BFF forever!! ><”

Something that most primary school besties say, but it rarely happens haha.

Sadly after primary school, we were never in the same school again. Considering that, it is quite amazing how we stayed so close despite not being able to meet as often. We still go for occasional meal meet ups and poured details about our lives (funny how as im editing this, we’re meeting for lunch in a while)!

It’s also funny how the letters visibly mature over time, suddenly with the introspection and social-comparison. What started as simple messages and little inside jokes evolved into deeper reflections of our lives. It’s bittersweet, but also beautiful to see it as an individual’s growth.

“But… Sometimes I don;t know why you choose to be friends with me rather than be with XXX”

“They are like much cooler than me, and they will always welcome you”

“But anyways I still love you (idiot) a lot more than any other friends”

Primary school Jie Lynn already knew how to make me smile!

Whenever I re-read these old letters, I get reminded of the 2 young girls dreaming about the future together, sharing silly thoughts and little secrets. Each letter we exchanged holds a piece of our story, a physical reminder of how our friendship came to be. Unlike fleeting phone calls and disappearing texts, these letters will always be here and safely tucked away in my shelf, in a box filled with childhood dreams and teenage insecurities. They were more than just ink on paper.

Since when was I a dancer?

Jie Lynn has been dancing all her life. I tried to join her, just so we could be in the same co-curricular activities (CCAs), but it never worked out. I was super inflexible, super stiff. She was often the one being lifted, carried, bended like she's boneless. I was in ballet for a good few weeks before I decided it was not for me. For years, I spent my time sitting in the hall and watching her dance on stage while I admired her talent. It was sad that I could not join her just like how we stuck together everywhere else. She made new friends, while I made mine. But who knew, 13 years down the road, I would be dancing too!

From our first graduation performance in K2 (top pic) to participating in Singapore’s biggest dance competition “Super 24” (bottom pic), we’ve definitely grown a bunch.

We’ve yet to dance toegther in the same performance though, so that is a work in progress.

The harsh reality of growing up

15 years of friendship might sound like a chore to some. You might think, “that’s not possible, you can’t be THAT close”. Well, that’s where you’re mistaken, but right in some ways.

Inevitably, as we went to different schools and headed down different paths, we were there less physically for each other. Our lives started to branch out, while we were still connected by the memories and promises we’ve made as kids- to always have each other’s backs no matter what.

We’ve seen each other grow from small innocent children, to the mischievous adolescent phase and now hitting adulthood at 21. Sure there might be fewer meet-ups and spontaneous outings as before, but the little times we do meet, the talks always last for HOURS and the conversations hold more meaning as compared to children chatter. It’s as if no time has passed at all, and we talk about everything, from the most mundane details of our lives to the deepest secrets. Even in silence, there is an unspoken understanding and comfort that we don’t have to push for a conversation. We may not be 7-year olds calling each other at 7pm sharp anymore, but what we do have now is a deeper bond - one that doesn’t require constant proximity.

What is a lifetime?

Psychologists say “If a friendship lasts more than 7 years, it will last a lifetime”. I used to think that it was just a comforting phrase people said to feel secure about their friendships, but after 15 good years with Jie Lynn, I see the truth in it. If a friendship can survive the tough years of mischievous childhood, wavering adolescent emotions, pressures of school and work and changing personalities, it is one that is built to last.

And honestly, what more could I ask for? To have a best friend like her for the past 15 years has to be one of the greatest gifts in my life. And… this friendship definitely doesn’t end here!